Salon Solace

28Nov11

1. Have blonde highlights

2. Roots started to show

3. Wanted to get my Christmas hair done a month before so it would look decent in time for the holidays – it always takes a while to “settle”

3. Dyed under-layer of hair pink to take away from the gigantic roots I had developed

4. Went to the hair-dressers to book appointment

5. Pink doesn’t come out of blonde as easily as I’d like…

Hair is an expensive business. The upkeep of blonde hair is even more expensive. Ye ould dark roots began to show in extreme measures a couple o’ weeks ago so as a bizarre strategy to make it less obvious I decided to dye a section of my hair pink. It was a way of postponing a trip to the hairdressers so my Christmas hair could be done closer to…Christmas. In retrospect is was very foolish even if I did look extremely funky and down with the kids. Pink, or any colour for that matter, will stick to blonde hair like a The Clap to a sexually irresponsible individual. The trip to the hairdressers was undertaken where a number of things (which I will outline below) were noted, as well as their disgust at my experiment.

 

Tea

They do great tea at the hairdressers. It’s in plentiful supply and over the four hours (yes, that’s right four hours, I’ve a thick oul head o’ hair) that I spend there I might have 3 mugs o’ it and tis always accompanied by these really nice little biscuits. It’s bleedin’ whopper.

 

 

The Magazines 

There are five types of magazine’s to be found in the hairdressers:

A. Hair Magazines

B. Bridal Magazines

C. Glossies (Cosmo, Elle, Look, More, Vanity Fair

D. Celeb/British Royal Family Magazines: (OK, Hello)

E. True Life Magazines (Chat, Woman’s Way)

Three of these categories I do not require a glance at and the other two are grand for an oul casual read. On a recent visit I had one of the girls who worked there place a heap of “True Life” magazine’s in front of me. I have some friends who are really into these kinds of magazines, some bizarre taste thing…but I just don’t think I’d strike anyone as the kind of person who would have any interest in hearing about how some British Biddy murdered her dogs baby sitter after losing a leg after having sex with her half-sisters husband. Without haste I was up out of the chair and swapped them for the glossies/OKs.

 

The Gossip

I have no interest in the chats with the hairdressers: it’s always to loud what with hairdryers constantly on et al. but some people do. I’m sure the stuff you’d find out would be fascinating I am glad most of the girls I see are smart enough to realise that I’m not there for a social call.

 

The Honesty

Blatant honesty, almost to a level of disrespect, can be experienced at your hairdressers. I was told that my hair, aside from the pink, looked very yellow: “Bu’ dats just wha happens”. “Ya won’ get dat pink ou’, even if we chemically strip i’ ders no guarantee…” A friend of mine was once told: “Y’have loadsa grey hairs!”

Charming.

 

The Ugliness 

This may also tie in with the above paragraph.

Due to the extreme amount of lighting in the salon there are a lot of very honest mirrors around. There’s one you’re forced to stare at for the majority of the time you spend sitting getting the dye/chop…looking into the depths of your soul, the bags under your eyes, the redness building up on your cheeks (perhaps associated with become old of age), marks on your face. Until my hair job is complete, and perhaps still after I just feel so unbelievably hideous…a face for radio.

 

The Outrageous Sinks 

Worse than the dentists chair. I hope I’m not alone in this because I think they are the most ridiculous invention of all time: The sinks where they wash your hair – COULD THEY BE PHYSICALLY MORE UNCOMFORTABLE? Unless they decided to stab you whilst they washed your hair I think the answer is no. The cold ceramic sink is shaped so that where you put your neck you get a big corner of the sink to rest it. You have to hold your shoulders up to get in anyway comfortable. Who is the idiot to introduce these? Why hasn’t some clever Dyson-like person come up with a solution. The hairdressers is supposed to be a time of extreme pampering and relaxation yet half way through you get this hideous experience. Awful Awful Awful.

 

So anyway I got my hair done and yer wan dyed the pink as dark as she could but it was still there and I kinda liked it. When she was cutting the layers into it (men: cutting certain sections shorter) she seemed reluctant, “if I cut that, you’ll be able te see de pink!” “Yeah, I kinda want that.” “…..okay…..”

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