The Leader Is Good. The Leader Is Great. We Surrender Our Will As Of This Date.
Continuing on with the Throphrastus Bombastus review of the Irish Presidential Candidates:
Independent: Dana Rosemary Scallon (A younger Dana pictured pretending to play guitar…a woman playing guitar?? Me arse!) 
Tag Line: Couldn’t be found online but to quote Father Ted, “No one listens to Dana anymore!” “Father BIgley listens to Dana and he’s not mad.” “Why is he in that home then?”
Innovation: There are all kinds of everything *ba dum tish* to like about the sweet female with her loveliness and pleasantries, think of her as the female Daniel O’Donnell…
Controversy: She’s been throwing around all sorts of sordid language. According to Wikipedia: When asked by Ryan Tubridy if she would refuse to sign any bill threatening Bunreacht na hÉireann she responded by saying “You bet your boots I would”. BOOT BETTING?? Surely there’s no need for that kind o’ profanity at all now Dana.
Pros: She won the Eurovision: Europe loves the Eurovision: Europe will love Dana: Dana representing Ireland: Europe loves Ireland: Europe gives Ireland money: Ireland becomes rich again.
Aesthetics: She hasn’t aged a day since the video below, you may need to mute this video to bear watching it. Check out her weird gob movements.
Labour: Michael D. Higgins (pictured reciting lines for his upcoming musical “My Precious”) 
Tag Line: ”The President who will do us proud.” …one probably should add on to that…”definitely only for the initial 7 years” <– this would be handy for the country because it would be less time for the state to have to pay him a state pension. The man is, after all, as old as the hills!
Innovation: Despite his hobbit like ways, one would be VERY surprised to know that he was NOT, that’s not, involved in any of the following films: The Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter, Willow, Trolls 2.
Controversy: He’s seventy and may perchance contract any of the following disorders at anytime whilst in office: dementia, senility, decomposition, Rigor Mortis.
Pros: At a mere 3 ft in height he is the smallest Presidential Candidate and terribly cute and for this reason, maybe, he deserves your vote.
Aesthetics: Looks somewhat like Einstein, due to his dwarf-like height the staff at the Áras would have to rebuild all kitchen work tops and tables et al. to suit his smaller stature. This itself could be considered a tourist attraction for visitors and as a result have excellent money-making potential for the country men (and women) o’ Éireann.
Coming Soon: The Sinn Féiner & the Fine Gaeler.
Word.
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