“Don’t Do What Donny Don’t Does” – The Endurance Race Guide

12May11

Recently Theophrastus Bombastus undertook the running of a 1/2 Marathon complete with a number of hills, that’s 13.1 miles or 20.1 kms of complete suffering yet enjoyment. The following is a concise list of what not to do and what you ought to most definitely do when committing to the challenge of a long distance endurance race….forget any of those training guides you’ll find online: this is all you need to get you through the brutal fun and games!

DOS:

1) Clip your toe-nails pre-race

This was an issue I did not consider at all prior to running the race. It was very foolish. Peeling the bloody socks off one’s feet post race was nothing short of completely and utterly disgusting around the toe-nail area. Toe-nail bruising that had been previously picked up from a wagon in stilettos stomping on me in a Club O’ The Night reappeared after a long haul of trying to grow it out, needless to say it looks vile and purple and half coming off…tasty!

 

2) Sing a Song in your head

Singing Queens Of The Stone Age’s Burn The Witch (TUANE!) got me through at least 5 miles of the race. It has a steady, repetitive beat and it assisted with keeping my mind off the possible and probable pain that was being suffered at the time. Please enjoy the QOTSA song here and consider training with it in the near future!

DON’TS:

1) Listen to the general chit-chat of other racers en route to the race

For the 1/2 Marathon in which I competed there was a shuttle bus that every racer took to the start line. I had the pleasure of sitting behind a pair of randomers who did nothing other than talk all about the difficulty of the race at hand…or foot *ba dum tish*. They babbled about all their racing achievements. The hardships of the race ahead and how much of a challenge it was going to be; freaked, completely freaked so I bleedin’ was.

 

2) Wear shorts that will chafe

Short-shorts can be very helpful when you’re out an about running around your regular route. Perhaps you have found in the past that the mix of sweat and rubbing together of material and skin caused by vigorous movement has caused your skin to become sore or irritated in a rash-like way. Perhaps you have never noticed this and this seems concept maniacal until you go jogging in an unsuitable pair of slacks. All’s I’m saying up in here is that ya’ll ought to wear in your gear before you compete in it. Word.

 

BOLLOXED TOENAILS: UNSUITABLE RUNNING FOOTWEAR

as

CHAFING: UNSUITABLE RUNNING SHORTS

 

3) Waste your time eating healthy the night before

Large Starter

Larger Main Course

2 Large Glasses of White Wine

1 Bottle o’ Miller

Small tub of Ben & Jerry’s

Above is a succinct list of the items I consumed the eve before the race. I then ran the greatest damned race of my life…so far. Previously I have ran races whereby I stopped drinking for weeks in advance, stopped eating all things god in the world such as cheeses and chocolates and pastries….mmmmm….pastries….eh…I digress. Hanyway eating healthily is all well and good but if you generally do that anyway in life there’s no point going all out insane and strict on yourself, this has been proven to me, by myself, the easy way. I’m now off to visit my local 5-in-1.

*Weah weah weeeaaaahhhh*

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  Leave a Comment